To determine what lifestyle will make you happy, it’s important to check in with your values and discover your deepest desires. These are the essence of who you are at the deepest level, and they can’t lie. They are you. Living a life that ignores or compromises one of your most important values will cause you to feel deeply unsettled and unhappy. It will exhaust and deplete you of energy and steal your joy. I know because I did it, for many years!
As you have probably worked out by now, my highest value by far is freedom so it’s little wonder that I’m prepared to do whatever it takes to live a life of freedom. If it came to being forced to choose, I would rather ‘cut my cloth’ and live a simpler life of freedom, than do work which confines and entraps me, regardless of how well remunerated I might be.
Many years ago, I made that mistake – even though I am not driven by money, when I was ‘head-hunted’ by a law firm that offered me a very good salary package I allowed myself to be seduced by the money when everything inside me was screaming ‘turn it down’! The whole ethos of the firm was completely misaligned with my values. Working there was the opposite of freedom – it was like an army camp, and I hated it as I knew I would. I lasted 3 months and quit! Huge lesson learned – listen to your gut – it will serve you well! Therefore, I always caution people against choosing values they think they ‘should’ have rather than those they ‘really’ have. Ultimately, if you ignore your deepest needs, you will suffer!
We are all different and it is vital that you determine your own drivers without judgement.
Sometimes you may have equally important needs and values. If so, it’s important that you honour each of them. For example, although freedom is extremely important to me, as I’ve got older, security has become increasingly important. It is partly this need to feel financially secure that drives me in my businesses because I am not driven by material possessions. However, I continue to build my businesses even though I have more than enough to live on because the more I earn, the more I can direct towards my long-term wealth plan (my security).
It is also important to me to feel my work has a sense of purpose. I experience this both in my property businesses and in my coaching practice. I love helping burnt-out, unhappy, and frazzled lawyers (and other professionals) to create a lifestyle that brings them greater balance, deep joy, and freedom.
So freedom, security, and purpose are tremendously important to me. Let me show you how these three values are weaved into my lifestyle choices. I run my own businesses to choose my own hours of work which gives me the freedom I desire. I continue to work hard in my businesses because I do work that I love to do and which fulfils my sense of purpose, and it helps me to build financial security.
So, look at your own deepest desires and be brutally honest without ‘forcing’ it. If you genuinely love to be surrounded by nice things and enjoy driving a nice car – that’s fine. Own it, because if you try and live a more frugal life and compromise on those things you will only make yourself unhappy. There is no right or wrong here – we must all determine our own core values and deepest desires, then design a lifestyle that serves them. My lifestyle choices will inevitably be different to yours because we are not the same person.
When asking yourself what makes you happy, don’t judge – just ask yourself with an open mind what is most important to you and when do you feel truly joyful and fulfilled. What is it that you are doing in those moments? If you visualise your perfect life, what do you see? If it involves travelling and staying in luxury hotels, then write that down. If dressing well in beautiful, well-made clothes is important to you then write that down. If eating out at fine restaurants brings you enormous pleasure, then write that down too. If it is truly who you are, it cannot be wrong.
Once you complete this picture then you can create a plan, a blueprint to live by, that will align with your deepest desires, values and needs.
I have helped many people with this. If you are struggling or would like to do a session with me to discover your core values and drivers, click below to book a discovery call. I’d be happy to help you.